Parenthood, Growing Up and the Beautiful Rewards of Patience
We spend so much time waiting for our dreams to come true that we sometimes fail to notice that we are already living some of them. More importantly, the journey towards fulfilling those dreams is often as rewarding as the eventual achievement itself. Sometimes, the joy lies not merely in reaching a destination but in experiencing everything that happens along the way.
Throughout my life, I have often dreamed of something new and better while continuing to enjoy the present. However, there have also been moments when I have become anxious and impatient, wishing that certain things would happen as soon as possible. Looking back, I realise that life has its own pace, and some of its most beautiful rewards arrive when we least expect them.
One such experience has come through watching my daughter, Serene, grow up.
Watching Your Child Grow: A Different Kind of Fulfilment
Serene has generally been someone who takes her own time to develop and express herself, but she has always had confidence in her own way. Since her nursery days, teachers have often mentioned that she does not speak much in class and tends to be an introvert. Even now, in the ninth standard, this observation continues.
I somewhat agree with them, but I have never been particularly worried. After all, the same girl who may remain quiet in a classroom performs Odissi classical dance, sometimes even solo, on stage in front of an audience. Perhaps she simply chooses when and where she wants to express herself.
Like many parents, I have often wished that she would grow up faster, understand the world around her, develop her own intelligence and learn to navigate life independently. Perhaps having her relatively late in our lives is one of the reasons why we have been particularly eager to see her grow.
She often lives in her own world, and sometimes this makes me wonder how much she understands about the world around her. She does not seem particularly burdened by anything, including studies and marks. Her relatively low marks, particularly in mathematics, and her lack of interest in the subject sometimes make me nervous. I start thinking about the possible solutions and the way ahead. There have been moments when I have wondered whether she is still a little child in her own world while the world around her is moving ahead.
However, a few incidents during our recent Diwali holiday trip to the Kutch region of Gujarat changed some of my perceptions and gave me moments of immense pride and fulfilment.
The First Surprise: Understanding Integrity
During one of our car journeys, a professor friend of mine from IIM Ahmedabad, Prof. Sanjay Verma, was sitting in the front seat. He had collected the empty ice-cream wrappers and other waste from all of us – his wife, Kumud Verma, my wife, Umlesh Yadav, Serene and me. He was holding on to the waste because he wanted to dispose of it properly whenever he came across a dustbin.
The ladies sitting behind suggested that he throw the wrappers along the roadside, arguing that one person could neither clean up the world nor change things through such small actions. However, Prof. Verma remained firm. He had already been carrying the waste for over an hour and was determined to put it in a proper dustbin whenever he got an opportunity.
We continued discussing how important it was for everyone to contribute in their own small ways towards making things better and how we should support the example Prof. Verma was setting.
During this discussion, something unexpected happened.
Serene, who generally does not interrupt when adults are engaged in a conversation, suddenly spoke up.
She said, “This is integrity.”
I was pleasantly surprised and asked her what she meant by that.
She replied, “It is being accountable for your actions and doing what you believe is right, even when nobody is watching you.”
I was genuinely taken aback.
We have attended hours of lectures and discussed numerous practical examples in our leadership and management courses to understand the meaning of integrity. Yet, here was a ninth-standard student explaining it so spontaneously and simply that everyone in the car could immediately relate to it.
I felt incredibly proud and fulfilled.
This was precisely the kind of awareness, understanding and intellectual maturity I had always hoped to see develop in my daughter. I had imagined her participating in meaningful conversations, expressing her thoughts and engaging confidently with people around her.
And here it was, happening naturally.
Until then, I had sometimes wondered whether she was growing up in her own little world, like any other child. But that spontaneous intervention, in a discussion involving a professor from a premier management institute, made me realise how much she had already observed, absorbed and understood.
It was a beautiful moment for me as a father. Something I had been waiting to see was already taking shape, perhaps without my even realising it.
The Second Surprise: A Sense of Responsibility
Another incident during the same trip touched me even more deeply.
Serene is generally quite relaxed at home and does not readily take responsibility for routine tasks. Whenever she is asked to do something, she sometimes finds ways to avoid it. Like many parents, we have occasionally wondered when she would become more responsible and start taking ownership of things.
But life has its own ways of revealing a person’s character.
During our journey, we had an unfortunate car accident on a damaged stretch of road. A hard piece of material struck the engine oil sump plate underneath the car, causing engine oil to leak. The vehicle eventually stopped running.
It was around 10 p.m., and we were in a relatively isolated, forested stretch of road. The roadside assistance team informed us that it could take five to six hours to reach us.
Our immediate priority was to ensure that the ladies reached a safer place. We arranged another car so that my wife, Umlesh, and Mrs. Verma could proceed to a nearby guest house.
What surprised me was Serene’s reaction.
She was adamant that she wanted to stay with me and Prof. Verma and help us if anything was needed. She did not want to leave us and go with her mother and Mrs. Verma to the guest house.
This was completely unexpected.
The girl whom we sometimes thought was not particularly responsible at home was now showing an entirely different side of herself. Her concern, attachment and willingness to stand by us in an uncertain situation filled me with immense joy and pride.
I realised that responsibility and sensitivity do not always manifest themselves in the ways we expect. Sometimes, they emerge spontaneously when a situation demands them.
That night, I discovered another dimension of my daughter’s personality that I had not fully recognised before.
The Third Surprise: Having Her Own Mind
There have been several other occasions when Serene has surprised me with her maturity and independent thinking.
Sometimes, she speaks her mind without being particularly concerned about whether I agree with her or follow her advice. She does not insist that I accept her point of view, but she is equally unwilling to suppress what she thinks.
On one occasion, after I did something rather silly, she remarked:
“There is something known as common sense, bro, but I am no one to tell this to you.”
I found it amusing, but it also made me think.
There is something wonderful about seeing your child develop an independent personality, one that is not merely an extension of your own thinking. She is gradually developing her own understanding of things, her own opinions and her own way of looking at the world.
Another incident occurred on the rather unfortunate evening before Diwali when I lost my mobile phone. Serene voluntarily accompanied me to the service provider to get a new SIM card, to the mobile shop to purchase a new handset and even to the police station to lodge a formal complaint.
This was particularly surprising because she generally does not even like stepping out to buy her favourite ice cream!
These small but significant gestures made me realise that there was much more to her personality than what we generally observed in our everyday routine.
Perhaps this is what growing up is all about. It does not always announce itself through academic achievements, marks or conventional milestones. Sometimes, it reveals itself through a spontaneous observation, an unexpected decision, a sense of responsibility or a simple gesture of concern.
Perhaps We Need to Be More Patient
These incidents have made me reconsider some of my own expectations as a parent.
We often want our children to develop certain qualities within a particular timeframe. We want them to become confident, responsible, intelligent, articulate and independent. We sometimes compare their progress with our expectations or with what we observe in other children.
But children do not necessarily grow in the ways or at the pace we imagine.
They observe things quietly. They absorb experiences. They develop their own understanding and sometimes surprise us with their responses and actions.
What appears to us as silence may not necessarily be a lack of understanding. What appears to be a lack of responsibility in routine situations may not tell the whole story about a child’s sensitivity or character. Similarly, academic performance at a particular stage may not necessarily reflect the child’s overall intelligence, potential or ability to understand life.
Perhaps we need to give them more space, trust their individual journeys and allow their personalities to unfold naturally.
The most important thing is that we should not become so impatient about what they are yet to become that we fail to appreciate who they are already becoming.
I was waiting for my daughter to grow up, but perhaps she was growing all along. I was simply taking time to recognise it.
Life Has Taught Me the Same Lesson
When I reflect on my own life, I realise that the same principle applies to almost everything.
I experienced considerable anxiety and uncertainty when I dropped out of mechanical engineering and joined the Indian Air Force. Later, when I decided to start my own business, I entered unfamiliar territory without knowing whether I would succeed.
There were uncertainties, challenges and difficult phases. But time, perseverance and the willingness to continue despite occasional turbulence gradually brought me to a position where I could enjoy the comforts of good health, financial independence, a fulfilling professional life and a wonderful family.
The Ahmedabad International Literature Festival, which has completed eleven editions, has been another significant journey. I have evolved tremendously as a person through the process of building and nurturing this initiative. The respect, recognition, relationships and sense of empowerment it has brought into my life are deeply satisfying. What began as an initiative requiring constant attention and effort has gradually developed its own identity and momentum.
Similarly, our Hindi feature film Drop Out has been a rewarding experience. There were moments when delays, particularly in the delivery of music and other essential content, tested my patience considerably. There were times when I felt that I might not be able to hold things together. However, staying patient and persevering through those difficult phases made it possible for the film to reach the milestones it eventually achieved.
Even my journey towards maintaining good health and fitness has reinforced the same belief. There was a time when my blood pressure was consistently above normal levels and my blood sugar levels were considerably high. Bringing these parameters back to normal levels and achieving a standard of fitness that I can be proud of required sustained attention, lifestyle changes and consistency. The results would not have been possible through occasional efforts or short bursts of enthusiasm.
Looking back, I realise that many things I once wished for have gradually become part of my everyday life. Some took years, while others arrived in ways I had never anticipated.
Perhaps this is one of the most beautiful aspects of life: we keep moving towards what we desire, often without realising that the journey itself is transforming us into people we once aspired to become.
The Beauty of Letting Life Unfold
Perhaps the most important lesson I am learning is that we should not be in a constant hurry to see the results of everything we do.
We must dream, make efforts, work towards our aspirations and remain committed to our responsibilities. But equally, we must respect time, enjoy the process and allow people and circumstances the space to evolve.
As parents, we need to be patient with our children. As professionals, we need to be patient with our ambitions. As individuals, we need to be patient with ourselves.
Patience, however, should not be confused with passivity or inaction. It is not about sitting back and waiting for life to deliver what we desire. It is about continuing to make sincere efforts while accepting that growth, change and fulfilment cannot always be hurried.
Sometimes, what we are waiting to see has already begun to take shape. We simply need to recognise it.
Today, when I look at Serene, I feel that some of the things I had been eagerly waiting to see in her are already emerging in their own beautiful ways. I am sure there will be many more surprises as she grows.
I do not know exactly what kind of person she will become, and perhaps that is the most beautiful part of parenthood. We can guide our children, support them, provide opportunities and share our experiences, but ultimately, they have their own journeys to discover. Our responsibility is not to decide every step of that journey for them, but to prepare them to walk it with confidence, sensitivity and integrity.
Perhaps the same is true of life itself. We cannot control every outcome, predict every opportunity or determine the exact time at which our aspirations will be fulfilled. What we can do is remain sincere in our efforts, value the present and have the patience to allow things to unfold.
Be patient in life. Dream, work, enjoy the present and allow good things the time they need to happen. Sometimes, the most beautiful rewards are already unfolding before our eyes, waiting for us to notice them.
We spend so much time waiting for our dreams to come true that we sometimes fail to notice that we are already living some of them. More importantly, the journey towards fulfilling those dreams is often as rewarding as the eventual achievement itself. Sometimes, the joy lies not merely in reaching a destination but in experiencing everything that happens along the way.
Throughout my life, I have often dreamed of something new and better while continuing to enjoy the present. However, there have also been moments when I have become anxious and impatient, wishing that certain things would happen as soon as possible. Looking back, I realise that life has its own pace, and some of its most beautiful rewards arrive when we least expect them.
One such experience has come through watching my daughter, Serene, grow up.
Watching Your Child Grow: A Different Kind of Fulfilment
Serene has generally been someone who takes her own time to develop and express herself, but she has always had confidence in her own way. Since her nursery days, teachers have often mentioned that she does not speak much in class and tends to be an introvert. Even now, in the ninth standard, this observation continues.
I somewhat agree with them, but I have never been particularly worried. After all, the same girl who may remain quiet in a classroom performs Odissi classical dance, sometimes even solo, on stage in front of an audience. Perhaps she simply chooses when and where she wants to express herself.
Like many parents, I have often wished that she would grow up faster, understand the world around her, develop her own intelligence and learn to navigate life independently. Perhaps having her relatively late in our lives is one of the reasons why we have been particularly eager to see her grow.
She often lives in her own world, and sometimes this makes me wonder how much she understands about the world around her. She does not seem particularly burdened by anything, including studies and marks. Her relatively low marks, particularly in mathematics, and her lack of interest in the subject sometimes make me nervous. I start thinking about the possible solutions and the way ahead. There have been moments when I have wondered whether she is still a little child in her own world while the world around her is moving ahead.
However, a few incidents during our recent Diwali holiday trip to the Kutch region of Gujarat changed some of my perceptions and gave me moments of immense pride and fulfilment.
The First Surprise: Understanding Integrity
During one of our car journeys, a professor friend of mine from IIM Ahmedabad, Prof. Sanjay Verma, was sitting in the front seat. He had collected the empty ice-cream wrappers and other waste from all of us – his wife, Kumud Verma, my wife, Umlesh Yadav, Serene and me. He was holding on to the waste because he wanted to dispose of it properly whenever he came across a dustbin.
The ladies sitting behind suggested that he throw the wrappers along the roadside, arguing that one person could neither clean up the world nor change things through such small actions. However, Prof. Verma remained firm. He had already been carrying the waste for over an hour and was determined to put it in a proper dustbin whenever he got an opportunity.
We continued discussing how important it was for everyone to contribute in their own small ways towards making things better and how we should support the example Prof. Verma was setting.
During this discussion, something unexpected happened.
Serene, who generally does not interrupt when adults are engaged in a conversation, suddenly spoke up.
She said, “This is integrity.”
I was pleasantly surprised and asked her what she meant by that.
She replied, “It is being accountable for your actions and doing what you believe is right, even when nobody is watching you.”
I was genuinely taken aback.
We have attended hours of lectures and discussed numerous practical examples in our leadership and management courses to understand the meaning of integrity. Yet, here was a ninth-standard student explaining it so spontaneously and simply that everyone in the car could immediately relate to it.
I felt incredibly proud and fulfilled.
This was precisely the kind of awareness, understanding and intellectual maturity I had always hoped to see develop in my daughter. I had imagined her participating in meaningful conversations, expressing her thoughts and engaging confidently with people around her.
And here it was, happening naturally.
Until then, I had sometimes wondered whether she was growing up in her own little world, like any other child. But that spontaneous intervention, in a discussion involving a professor from a premier management institute, made me realise how much she had already observed, absorbed and understood.
It was a beautiful moment for me as a father. Something I had been waiting to see was already taking shape, perhaps without my even realising it.
The Second Surprise: A Sense of Responsibility
Another incident during the same trip touched me even more deeply.
Serene is generally quite relaxed at home and does not readily take responsibility for routine tasks. Whenever she is asked to do something, she sometimes finds ways to avoid it. Like many parents, we have occasionally wondered when she would become more responsible and start taking ownership of things.
But life has its own ways of revealing a person’s character.
During our journey, we had an unfortunate car accident on a damaged stretch of road. A hard piece of material struck the engine oil sump plate underneath the car, causing engine oil to leak. The vehicle eventually stopped running.
It was around 10 p.m., and we were in a relatively isolated, forested stretch of road. The roadside assistance team informed us that it could take five to six hours to reach us.
Our immediate priority was to ensure that the ladies reached a safer place. We arranged another car so that my wife, Umlesh, and Mrs. Verma could proceed to a nearby guest house.
What surprised me was Serene’s reaction.
She was adamant that she wanted to stay with me and Prof. Verma and help us if anything was needed. She did not want to leave us and go with her mother and Mrs. Verma to the guest house.
This was completely unexpected.
The girl whom we sometimes thought was not particularly responsible at home was now showing an entirely different side of herself. Her concern, attachment and willingness to stand by us in an uncertain situation filled me with immense joy and pride.
I realised that responsibility and sensitivity do not always manifest themselves in the ways we expect. Sometimes, they emerge spontaneously when a situation demands them.
That night, I discovered another dimension of my daughter’s personality that I had not fully recognised before.
The Third Surprise: Having Her Own Mind
There have been several other occasions when Serene has surprised me with her maturity and independent thinking.
Sometimes, she speaks her mind without being particularly concerned about whether I agree with her or follow her advice. She does not insist that I accept her point of view, but she is equally unwilling to suppress what she thinks.
On one occasion, after I did something rather silly, she remarked:
“There is something known as common sense, bro, but I am no one to tell this to you.”
I found it amusing, but it also made me think.
There is something wonderful about seeing your child develop an independent personality, one that is not merely an extension of your own thinking. She is gradually developing her own understanding of things, her own opinions and her own way of looking at the world.
Another incident occurred on the rather unfortunate evening before Diwali when I lost my mobile phone. Serene voluntarily accompanied me to the service provider to get a new SIM card, to the mobile shop to purchase a new handset and even to the police station to lodge a formal complaint.
This was particularly surprising because she generally does not even like stepping out to buy her favourite ice cream!
These small but significant gestures made me realise that there was much more to her personality than what we generally observed in our everyday routine.
Perhaps this is what growing up is all about. It does not always announce itself through academic achievements, marks or conventional milestones. Sometimes, it reveals itself through a spontaneous observation, an unexpected decision, a sense of responsibility or a simple gesture of concern.
Perhaps We Need to Be More Patient
These incidents have made me reconsider some of my own expectations as a parent.
We often want our children to develop certain qualities within a particular timeframe. We want them to become confident, responsible, intelligent, articulate and independent. We sometimes compare their progress with our expectations or with what we observe in other children.
But children do not necessarily grow in the ways or at the pace we imagine.
They observe things quietly. They absorb experiences. They develop their own understanding and sometimes surprise us with their responses and actions.
What appears to us as silence may not necessarily be a lack of understanding. What appears to be a lack of responsibility in routine situations may not tell the whole story about a child’s sensitivity or character. Similarly, academic performance at a particular stage may not necessarily reflect the child’s overall intelligence, potential or ability to understand life.
Perhaps we need to give them more space, trust their individual journeys and allow their personalities to unfold naturally.
The most important thing is that we should not become so impatient about what they are yet to become that we fail to appreciate who they are already becoming.
I was waiting for my daughter to grow up, but perhaps she was growing all along. I was simply taking time to recognise it.
Life Has Taught Me the Same Lesson
When I reflect on my own life, I realise that the same principle applies to almost everything.
I experienced considerable anxiety and uncertainty when I dropped out of mechanical engineering and joined the Indian Air Force. Later, when I decided to start my own business, I entered unfamiliar territory without knowing whether I would succeed.
There were uncertainties, challenges and difficult phases. But time, perseverance and the willingness to continue despite occasional turbulence gradually brought me to a position where I could enjoy the comforts of good health, financial independence, a fulfilling professional life and a wonderful family.
The Ahmedabad International Literature Festival, which has completed eleven editions, has been another significant journey. I have evolved tremendously as a person through the process of building and nurturing this initiative. The respect, recognition, relationships and sense of empowerment it has brought into my life are deeply satisfying. What began as an initiative requiring constant attention and effort has gradually developed its own identity and momentum.
Similarly, our Hindi feature film Drop Out has been a rewarding experience. There were moments when delays, particularly in the delivery of music and other essential content, tested my patience considerably. There were times when I felt that I might not be able to hold things together. However, staying patient and persevering through those difficult phases made it possible for the film to reach the milestones it eventually achieved.
Even my journey towards maintaining good health and fitness has reinforced the same belief. There was a time when my blood pressure was consistently above normal levels and my blood sugar levels were considerably high. Bringing these parameters back to normal levels and achieving a standard of fitness that I can be proud of required sustained attention, lifestyle changes and consistency. The results would not have been possible through occasional efforts or short bursts of enthusiasm.
Looking back, I realise that many things I once wished for have gradually become part of my everyday life. Some took years, while others arrived in ways I had never anticipated.
Perhaps this is one of the most beautiful aspects of life: we keep moving towards what we desire, often without realising that the journey itself is transforming us into people we once aspired to become.
The Beauty of Letting Life Unfold
Perhaps the most important lesson I am learning is that we should not be in a constant hurry to see the results of everything we do.
We must dream, make efforts, work towards our aspirations and remain committed to our responsibilities. But equally, we must respect time, enjoy the process and allow people and circumstances the space to evolve.
As parents, we need to be patient with our children. As professionals, we need to be patient with our ambitions. As individuals, we need to be patient with ourselves.
Patience, however, should not be confused with passivity or inaction. It is not about sitting back and waiting for life to deliver what we desire. It is about continuing to make sincere efforts while accepting that growth, change and fulfilment cannot always be hurried.
Sometimes, what we are waiting to see has already begun to take shape. We simply need to recognise it.
Today, when I look at Serene, I feel that some of the things I had been eagerly waiting to see in her are already emerging in their own beautiful ways. I am sure there will be many more surprises as she grows.
I do not know exactly what kind of person she will become, and perhaps that is the most beautiful part of parenthood. We can guide our children, support them, provide opportunities and share our experiences, but ultimately, they have their own journeys to discover. Our responsibility is not to decide every step of that journey for them, but to prepare them to walk it with confidence, sensitivity and integrity.
Perhaps the same is true of life itself. We cannot control every outcome, predict every opportunity or determine the exact time at which our aspirations will be fulfilled. What we can do is remain sincere in our efforts, value the present and have the patience to allow things to unfold.
Be patient in life. Dream, work, enjoy the present and allow good things the time they need to happen. Sometimes, the most beautiful rewards are already unfolding before our eyes, waiting for us to notice them.
